I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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