Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't deserve a penis
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
