Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
