wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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