Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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