I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
