I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
