he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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