when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
