his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
