chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
