I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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