I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
