Christians are straight up FREAKS
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
