our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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