I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
