flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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