last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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