I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
