I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
