god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
