I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
A bitchslap is in order.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
