Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
