Need sex. Gaining weight.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
