here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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