you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
