is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize