Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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