remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
