I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
