He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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