My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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