Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he fucked my hip out of place.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
