Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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