that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
