Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
