Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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