i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
operation have a gay friend backfired
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
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I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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