You just made me feel so damn special
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
