So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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