The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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