Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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