She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
