Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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