You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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