Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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