$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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