I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
