your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
