Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
