Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
