At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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