Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
