u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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