how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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