Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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