woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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