I'm going to jail i love you
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
