hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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