drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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