The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
