Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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