Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
