my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Never underestimate the power of titties
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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