If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
