you didnt know i had herpes?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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