chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
