I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
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Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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