I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
