My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
