; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
