I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream