if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
