I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon