I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.