dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
