Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
