WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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