Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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