I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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