I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
