the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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