Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
