The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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