farters have to be the big spoon...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
