You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
